PROFILE
FEE
CHORISTER AND
AMATEUR BAKER
EXITS
3e2 4e2 0809
ELSA
DEB
NATALIE
AYESHAH
VIVIEN
PAM
LYNN
Choir
TRACY LAM
JIAMIN
BERO
MINDY
MARE
YING TING
PEARLYN
JANA
DEBBIE - PROM PARTNER!
JEMIMAH
MJC CHOIR
TKG CHOIR
Others
THE ANNOYING ONE
CHRISTY
MYRANDOMPOEMS
MY SHOP!
REWIND
Credits.
QUOTES
" REALITY IS MERELY AN ILLUSION, ALBEIT A VERY PERSISTENT ONE" - ALBERT EINSTEIN
" WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE WITH FEELING BECOMES YOUR REALITY" - BRIAN TRACY
|
Date: Tuesday, October 04, 2011 Time: 9:35 AM   TODAY I TOOK THE LONG WAY HOME FROM PARKWAY IE, I DROPPED OFF EARLY AND WALKED PAST MY OLD HOUSE, YKNOW COS IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA TO SEE HOW EVERYTHING'S CHANGED... PARTLY BECAUSE I HOPED NOTHING WOULD ALMOST? AT FIRST IT WAS THOUGH, FOR A MOMENT I COULD LIE TO MYSELF AND SAY THAT NOTHING EVER CHANGED AND I WAS STILL THIS AWKWARD THIRTEEN YEAR OLD COMING HOME FROM SCHOOL. WALKING THAT ROAD FELT SO NATURAL, ALMOST ROUTINE-LIKE (which took me a little by surprise). THEN WALKING UP TOWARDS THE PLAYGROUND, THIS KINDA CHANGED COS THE HOUSES HAD UNDERGONE SOME MAJOR FACELIFT THING AND SURE THERE WERE FRESH COATS OF PAINT. BUT THE THING WAS THAT THEY MAJORLY OVERHAULED THE PLAYGROUND (the one remaining symbol of my childhood years) TO THIS UNINVITING AND RATHER STERILE LOOKING PLACE IN THEIR BID TO MAKE IT LOOK FUTURISTIC... -.- GONE WERE THE SANDPITS, THE FITNESS CORNER, THE MONKEYBARS THAT TOOK ME FOREVER TO LEARN HOW TO CLIMB ON TOP OF AND THE GIANT ORANGE SLIDE. GONE WAS THE IXORA'S THAT LINED THE PERIMETER OF THE PLAYGROUND, LEAVING IN ITS PLACE SOME OTHER SUPPOSEDLY MORE CHEERFUL LOOKING ONES. THE ONLY THINGS LEFT WERE THE WILLOW-LOOKING PLANT, THE FRANGIPANI TREE AND THE STONE BENCHES. I DONT QUITE KNOW HOW EXACTLY TO PINPOINT THIS FEELING BUT THE THOUGHT WAS THAT IT WAS SORT OF A SCARY THOUGHT THAT NOW, WHATEVER MEMORIES THAT I HAVE LEFT ARE THE ONES IN MY MIND (SOMEWHERE...) I CAN NO LONGER REINFORCE IT, WHICH MAKES IT EVEN MORE PRECIOUS, AND MORE IMPORTANT TO CLING ON TOO, YET AT THE SAME TIME GROWING UP FORCES YOU TO LOOK AHEAD INSTEAD OF THE PAST? IT MAKES YOU FEEL INCREASINGLY LIKE ITS YOU AGAINST THE WORLD. HAVING TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT INSTEAD OF WHAT THE WORLD WANTS OF YOU. OR SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT ANYWAY. THEN GOING DOWN THE KEW TERRACE, I WAS INITIALLY RELIEVED TO SEE THAT NOT EVERYTHING HAD CHANGED. THE PRISON LOOKING HOUSE WAS STILL THERE, MY NEIGHBOURS WERE STILL THERE AND EVEN MY OLD HOUSE, WITH ITS HORRENDOUS MODIFICATIONS, STILL HAD THE SAME IXORA'S THE SAME BRICKS LINING THE GARDEN AND WELL, ROUGHLY THE SAME LAYOUT. IT WAS A TAD SAD THOUGH BECAUSE I KNOW AND FELT THAT I NO LONGER BELONGED TO THIS STREET, THIS PECULIAR FAMILIARITY OF WHICH I WAS NOT AND COULD NOT BE A PART OF? THEN WALKING BACK ALL THE WAY HOME, I HAD LOTS OF TIME TO CLEAR MY THOUGHTS... THE SORT OF STUFF LIKE HOW WHEN YOURE YOUNG, YOU VISUALISE DOING THINGS YOU LOVE, SWITCHING DREAM OCCUPATIONS EVERY WEEK OR SO... ONLY TO REALISE THAT ITS REALLY HARD TO FIGHT AND PURSUE THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BECAUSE SOCIETY ITSELF WONT ALLOW IT. OKAY I THINK THAT MAY BE AN EXAGGERATION .. THEN PERHAPS, THIS IS SOCIETY'S WAY OF WEEDING OUT PEOPLE WHO WILL MAKE IT (or at least have a better chance) WHEN THEY DECIDE TO GO AGAINST THE GRAIN. BECAUSE THESE PEOPLE HAVE PUT STABLE FUTURES ON THE LINE, THEY JUST HAVE TO SUCCEED... RIGHT? SO THE CURRENT TOSSUP IS BETWEEN FOLLOWING THE CURRENT AND END UP DOING SOMETHING I DONT ENJOY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, BUT HAVE A STABLE INCOME, OR TAKE A STAB AT LIFE AND DO SOMETHING I LOVE, WHICH MEANS THAT I PROBABLY WILL NOT HAVE A STABLE INCOME, OR AN INCOME AT ALL. SURE, ITS EASY TO SAY THAT LIFE IS TOO SHORT; LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST.... HEY, IT AINT THAT EASY. TIME IS NOT ON OUR SIDES. EVEN WHEN I REALLY WANT TO PURSUE LETS SAY COURSE A, THERE'S STILL A VOICE THAT SAYS "WHAT IF YOU DONT MAKE IT?" AM I GOOD ENOUGH? DO I HAVE THE CAPABILITIES TO MAKE IT IN THE PASTRY WORLD. WILL THIS PASSION EVEN SUSTAIN ITSELF IF I HAVE TO WORK WITH IT DAY IN DAY OUT. I THINK THAT'S ONE OF MY WORST FEARS... TO PURSUE BAKING AND TO LOSE MY PASSION HALFWAY. I MEAN YOU SEE IT ALL THE TIME IN SHOWS LIKE KITCHEN NIGHTMARES WHERE CHEFS JUST GET TIRED OF IT ALL. I'M PRETTY SURE IT APPLIES ACROSS ALL FIELDS AS WELL. THE SCARY THING I SUPPOSE IS THAT THERE WILL NEVER BE AN ANSWER. YOU JUST HAVE TO TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH. BECAUSE THE ONLY LONG TERM THING THAT I HAVE STUCK TO AND CONTINUED TO LOVE IS CHOIR. BUT THAT'S HARDLY A PROFESSION BECAUSE I DONT HAVE THE TALENT TO PURSUE MUSIC. AND SO IT COMES BACK TO THIS... WHAT MAKES ME GOOD ENOUGH TO PURSUE BAKING? Labels: THE LONG WAY HOME |