where do I start
So, it's been a long time since I've touched this thing. WAY too long, too many thoughts lost, too many things that i probably needed to tell myself, too much denial perhaps? until it's come to a point where i've lost the so-called advantage and am sitting on the other side of the fence, unsure of how the heck to get to the other side again.
starting with today, it's a sunday and i'm supposed to report for work at 7. Jumped out of bed at 8 and literally went OH SHIT. at that moment i considered my options, i could go late (super late mind you), take mc, take ph, go MIA. I really wanted to take the mc but I didnt know where it was easy to get mcs since there was really nothing wrong with me - no sign of flu, cough, fever, stomachache. So i took ph. and now i have another problem, what to say when i go back tmr. Should i just say i woke up late? or come up with some excuse like my sis was sick so i had to stay at home and take care of her. it's so frustrating because if i tell them the latter, i'd be lying but there'll be kind of more understanding for my sudden absence. WAHLAOEH.... i hate this feeling of anxiety mixed with apprehension.
and i need to stick to my goals.
I WILL SLOWLY BUT SURELY GET BACK DOWN TO AT LEAST A 51.5
progress is slow but if i keep giving up on myself then all i'm doing is bringing myself further from my goal. i've proven that i can do it. i mean i was that a month ago. So it's freaking scary how things can go downhill so quickly. it's not even funny. i can see and feel the differences and i hate how it is now. but sometimes this just feels like a lost cause because i don't know where to start. even if i do, i cannot follow it through. it's silly because i have all the reasons in the world to get back down to 51.5 but i don't.
so yes. perhaps this may be a short span of optimism but imma make the best out of what is left of it and for now at least, try my best to stick to my goals.
so please don't make this any harder than it already is.
YET ANOTHER STORY
|
